One mother thinks Santa Claus is an essential part of Christmas and that her daughter should believe as long as possible. The other thinks Santa Claus is too commercial and sends the wrong messages about gift-giving. What will the family therapist say?

Erica from New Hampshire

“Without a doubt, Olivia will grow up believing in Santa Claus,” assures Erica from New Hampshire whose daughter will turn two shortly after Christmas. “The beauty of a child believing in Santa comes in part from how they come to learn about the story. I never planned to sit her down and give her a lesson about Santa Claus. It’s just part of Christmas, like other things are.

“This year, celebrating the holidays started with reading books with Santa in them, putting up the Christmas decorations in the front yard, a sleigh, reindeer and a big wooden Santa – it’s not nearly as tacky as it sounds. We slowly started seeing Santas everywhere, at the local library or the mall. When Christmas comes, we’ll definitely leave cookies out for him the night before and open the gifts from Santa the next morning.

“At two, I don’t think Olivia even knows what Santa does – she just gets really excited when she spots one and will yell out his name in excitement. Maybe next year she’ll remember bits and pieces from this Christmas and eventually start making the connection. When she starts preschool, many new stories about Santa Claus will be added to her memories of the holidays. I expect her to get more and more involved and excited each year – and hopefully come to understand and appreciate the happiness you get from taking part in all of the Christmas activities.

“When I was a little girl, we used to attend midnight mass, and I've always cherished the beauty of it as part of our Christmas ritual. When Olivia is older, we may start going again. In some ways, attending mass at Christmas helps solidify the true meaning of the holiday for me – gathering with loved ones and celebrating all that we are lucky to have.

“We recently moved back to New Hampshire from Colorado to be closer to our family, particularly my parents. Family is very important to me and a huge part of our Christmas celebration. So much of my childhood memories of Christmas revolve around images of the house I grew up in and I want Olivia to have the same types of wonderful experiences. For one short month, much of our energy goes into thinking of all the people we love and appreciate and finding ways to let them know we love them. Santa Claus is an undeniable part of this celebration, this experience. I think, one of the best ways to teach children a lesson is by involving them in a story. So, why not use Santa to teach our children kindness, appreciation, and generosity?”

Ahu Terzi is a freelance writer New York.