The Family Therapist

“Children should be taught certain life lessons when they’re actually ready to understand these concepts,” says Bette Holtzman, a family therapist and a children’s advocate for more than twenty-five years. “Until the age of four, kids don’t really understand that Santa Claus is a fictional character. They see Santa everywhere, and to them, he’s real. Only at about age six or seven, do children begin to question the story and understand the truth.

“The issue more important than letting young children believe in Santa is whether parents make their decision based on a well-thought out plan on how they will raise their kids. Parenting isn’t just about one holiday. It’s what you say and do throughout the year. Honesty between parents and children is established through how parents live their lives day after day, through the values they uphold, the family rules they establish. If lessons of kindness and generosity are talked about and taught regularly, children will grow up valuing these traditions regardless of whether they believed in Santa or not.

“When I was growing up in a Jewish household, I never thought 'poor me' just because Santa didn’t come to our house. Because of the equally magical, equally wonderful things we did to celebrate the holidays and the explanation my father gave me, I was OK with other children having Santa. I still believed in him; it’s just that he didn’t visit our house.

“Today I’m married to a Christian man and we celebrate everything. Every family is unique. In fact, when a new family is formed, the adults bring in their own baggage to that family. Good or bad, memories of holidays, traditions as well as resentments carry over. The most important thing to remember in raising healthy children is to make sure they know both parents are on the same page. Whether you let your children believe in Santa or not, everyone in the family, including the older siblings, has to be in on it. Consistency is the most important rule to follow, especially with the younger children.

“Even when the holidays take on a commercial tone, it is still possible to teach your kids the metaphor behind Santa Claus and the true meaning of gift-giving. So what if you don’t want to encourage the idea of a guy in the red suit. You can still use Santa to teach young children the importance of being good to other people and helping those in need. Whether donating quarters to the bell ringers during the holidays or participating in toy drives, parents can easily extend the idea of Santa beyond just the character.”